Someone once asked me what song it was that I relate to most often. The answer I had to give was “The River” by Garth Brooks. I identify with this song because my life has been a lot like the words:
"You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin' as it flows
And a dreamer's just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what's behind you
And never knowing what's in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores...and”
I first heard it when I was a single parent, heading back to college, trying to make a better life for my daughter. It was a period of a transition, not the first and it wouldn’t be the last.
Indeed, I had, as I’m sure we all have, been through many transitions. Entering the military, the many moves during it, the many relationships I had. A marriage which failed, a pregnancy that led me to leave the military, going back to school, moving and a marriage and now watching my hatchling leave the nest. I’m sure there will be more in the future. Each time I’m faced with a transition, I sing those words to myself.
Despite the various changes in direction in my life, I’ve somehow seemed to have come through it. Maybe with more wrinkles and gray hair, but still, for the most part unscathed. Transitions were a little more easy for me. For some, like my husband, they’re less so.
My husband is at a point in his life where a physical injury left him incapable of performing the job(s) he loved. Though he’s functional and mobile, back surgery and two titanium rods in his back means his days as a bomb tech and cop are over with. This is not so easy for him. At 41, suddenly he feels old because the end of his career came sooner then he expected it to.
I’m sure professional athletes are faced with this prospect too at the end of their careers. Some, like Kevin Everett came way too soon due to a spinal chord injury, suffered last season. Others end their careers on their terms and still others, go out doing what they love, like Dale Earnhardt.
How we handle the transition or the changes is individual. Joe Namath didn’t seem to handle his well, resorting to alcohol. Kevin Everett continues to face his struggle with grace and courage. When it was time to retire, Richard Petty found another way to stay active in the sport that he loved. For each positive account athletes who adjusted to the transition, there’s at least an equal, if not more, negative accounts where an ex-athlete has struggled with the transition.
Perhaps it’s a loss of identity or loss of direction that seems to cause the turbulent water. It’s been proven that women who have stayed at home with the children have a harder time then women who have worked when it comes to “empty nest syndrome”. Suddenly, the very thing they put their efforts and energy in has left and there’s no outlet or replacement for the energy. Women who have undergone hysterectomies or masectomies, seem to loose a sense of their femininity and sometimes themselves, an
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